My First Brush with Fiction – A Breakup Scene

So this is why I am in Chennai (Along with taking two days to recover after the Book Launch that is). To challenge myself, to push myself out of that comfort zone and to remove the mental block that I cannot write fiction – specially after the headlines screamed “As a writer I struggle with fiction” Ouch! I had said I would love to have coffee with Vikram Bhatt among the new age writers, but no they had to go dramatize that bit didn’t they! Media I tell ya!

Ok deep breaths. So the first “scene” I had to present was a “break up” scene. Basically it involved two characters having a conflict, one wants to work on the relation, the other wants to call it a day. I will in time tell you the feedback I received for what I wrote, but I need your honest views first.

Ready? It went like this –

“Hey hey, just hold on for a minute. I’m sorry. Look I really really am” he said as he finally caught up with her. She kept walking after the initial hesitation, out the hotel lobby and into the pouring rain. Well, almost had he not gripped her wrist so tightly. “It isn’t working” she said when she finally found her voice.

“What isn’t? Look she was just a friend. Meant nothing to me. I don’t know why you let your imagination take over. Things just go spiral after that and we end up fighting”.

She fought her own tears and through pursed lips said “We are not working. It is us, not the situation and definitely not my imagination”. She wanted to leave, and for a brief comic moment even thanked her lucky stars for wearing the black shirt and blue jeans that she wore.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that” he persisted. “It’s just that, that I love you and you walking away from me brings the worst out of me. Please don’t leave, at least not like this in the rain. I know how cold you get, let me drop you home. We can talk about this when you’re in a better mood. Let’s go get you all warmed up over coffee. Irish? That is your favorite isn’t it” he winked.

She freed herself, pushed him away. “I need to be alone right now. A lot has happened that I need to process. We have both had a lot to say and I am holding on to what I said. This isn’t working – for me.”

With that she turned around, swung the straps of the bag across her shoulders and walked out into the night leaving him standing with drooped shoulders.

Her tears got mixed with the rain, her clothes now completely soaked, got heavier. But her heart felt more light and free than it had in a very very long time.

Well??? What do you think? Don’t be shy, today I give you full permission to critique my first ever piece of fiction 😉 Rip it apart it you may, and along with it my self confidence. Sigh. Do it.

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